Your earliest memory.

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I just had to explain to my parents what a queef is…

Let me die.

Sometimes my cousin and I sing together like nerds. :) 
I actually love this, so listen and enjoy and maybe tell me what you think okay.  

My dog got a new toy for Christmas and she keeps dropping it off the couch and barking until I pick it up and I keep picking it up but she keeps dropping it. I’m being brain washed by a god what haVE I BECOME?!

• My sister: Watch it on your own time.
• My dad: DIS BE MY OWN TIME, SON!

New nose ring. #selfie

I have so many fucking things to say. And I have absolutely no idea how to say them.

A few reasons I love my dad. 

• He prays before every meal. Silently. 
• He sings songs he made up about prunes.
• He told me he’s too lazy to get up and get dinner (which is already made) so he ate Doritos instead. 

I’m just gonna sit here and eat mini donuts until I puke.